Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
