I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
