So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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