So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
