so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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