Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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