I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
