bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
