no, he came in my armpit
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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