and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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