remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can Purell be used as lube?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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