On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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