My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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