She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
