this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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