And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
