lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
