i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
