Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
