I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
In America we eat man semen.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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