guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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