it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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