Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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