mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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