Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
