How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
