Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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