I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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