I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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