My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
