Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
