By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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