Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
