My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
