and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
