Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
