Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
God, I missed his penis.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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