Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
