I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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