Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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