Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
