And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
