i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
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The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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