my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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