Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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