Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
