Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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