Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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