Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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