I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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