Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
