On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
