never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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