Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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