i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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