why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
