We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
