We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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