You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale