angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.