So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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