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first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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