I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
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I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?