Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
