I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.