Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.