some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize