Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
