Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize