I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
