i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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