they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
