I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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