the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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