Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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