I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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