you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
